


Hell Toy

by Samuletta



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, I guess some people cried while reading this???, Not the best story Ive written, so its rlly bad, this was the first thing i wrote after my writing haitus, whoopsies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-24
Updated: 2015-06-24
Packaged: 2018-04-05 22:23:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4197192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samuletta/pseuds/Samuletta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You were sent to Hell with Dean. When he finally agreed to torture a soul, yours was the first one. After escaping Hell, you have to work out the problems...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Dean agrees to torture a soul in Hell, it's yours.

Both of you just got out of Hell, literal Hell. You escaped the pinewood box before Dean could even process that he was alive. Truthfully though, you didn't know if he was even out of Hell. You were just glad you got out of his torturous grip.  
It wasn't until you found Sam that you realized Dean was alive too.  
You opened the door to Bobby's house when Sam greeted you with a bear hug and an apologetic face. Dean looked like he was in an rather emotional situation at the moment. He was standing behind Sam, tears dried on his cheeks as he looked at you and started tearing up again.  
"Y/N..."  
You backed away when Sam let go of you, "What, Dean," you snapped.  
"In sorry-"  
You looked at Sam,"I'm assuming you know what happened?"  
He nodded his head solemnly.  
Dean continued,"What I did was unforgivable-"  
"YEAH, DEAN, IT WAS," You yelled, mind flashing back to hell as tears formed. "Since you know it was so unforgivable I don't see why you're trying to apologize! I'm not going to forgive you so easily..."  
Sam got out of the way of the middle of you two and Dean stepped closer.  
"I just... I don't know why- I didn't know it was going to be you," his chest heaved and he took in a sharp breath.  
"I get that," you calmed down, "but that's not a valid excuse...  
Because you did it anyway."  
Dean squeezed his eyes shut and opened them again, flinching when you took another swift step back.  
"Y/N, I didn't know what they would do if I didn't," he admitted.  
You scoffed,"You're SELFISH. I thought you still had a little itty bitty smudge of human left in you down there. Obviously I was the only one with that trait. I lasted longer than you Dean, because I wasn't selfish." You breathed and continued,"Did you even care about how I felt?" A moment of silence passed and Dean opened his mouth as if to say something. "Did you?" You repeated.  
"I cared, Y/N, I cared more than you will ever know-"  
"THEN WHY DID YOU CONTINUE? WHY DIDNT YOU STOP?"  
"I was scared-"  
You interrupted him, again, by scoffing. "Yeah... I'm sure you were Dean. It was HELL for Christ's sake! But can you imagine how I felt? My god I sound bitchy and attention whorey, but damn, can you blame me? You guys always swore to protect me even though I said I never needed it. I was fine going to Hell, because I went with you, for you, Dean. And what do I get? I get you, torturing me, because Dean I'm-A-Macho-Man-Who-Isn't-Afraid-Of-Anything Winchester was scared." Your stomach dropped and your throat began to burn. Your head was throbbing and your eyes burned.  
Dean had the most hurt facial expression you've ever see on anyone. He was truly sorry, am you could tell. You just needed time to get over the anger and hatred. You do desperately wanted to forgive him, but something in you just made you... not.  
Dean inhaled, "I know... I'm pathetic- I'm a screw up- I deserved worse-"  
Your voice caught in your throat at Deans words. "No," you choked out quietly, "That's not what I meant. You just made a mistake. A horrible mistake. I just need time."  
"I don't deserve-"  
"Yes, you do Dean. You deserve everything in the world. Eventually it will all come to you. You screwed up this time. Badly. And you just need to learn to accept the temporary consequences."  
"Like?"  
"Like losing my number."  
Both boys' eyes widened.  
For the first time, Sam intervened,"No. Can't do that."  
You ignored his plea, shrugged, and looked at the ground,"You don't have a choice. This was a nice reunion."  
You turned on your heels, vision blurred, and saw Bobby standing behind you. 'How long had he been there,' you thought. You didn't care, you just needed to get out of there.  
He handed you some keys and pointed to the car parked by the garage.  
You wiped your tears and waved at the three men staring with hurt faces standing on the porch as you drove off.  
All you had was your pocket knife, lighter, a scammed credit card, your one phone, and whatever hunting gear Bobby put in the trunk. You didn't know where you were going or what you would do, but eventually, you will make your way back to them.


	2. There is Pain in Remembering Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Your body remembers what happens in Hell due to certain physical connections...

"How could you do that to her," Bobby asked Dean once you left the driveway.  
"I- I don't know," Dean admitted. "Dean... I don't know what to do," Sam sniffed and turned to grab another beer for him and Dean.  
"I know one thing for sure," Dean wiped a tear, "Im going to drink, then fix this... No matter what."  
•-•-•-•  
A week had passed by. A week full of greasy fast food,cheep beer, and the worst nightmares you could ever have every night. You ditched your phone but kept the contacts. Every night, you woke up crying or screaming, sweating and you had no one to help you through your panic attacks. It clicked in your mind: you needed a partner.  
You used to be a solo hunter, that was until the Winchesters gave you a temporary home (which turned to a permanent one).  
They were your only friends. They had your back- er, they were supposed to.  
You wanted to forgive Dean. Somewhere deep inside you told you that you shouldn't; not yet anyway. He did the most unthinkable thing to you, and it wasn't like you could kill yourself to get out of it.  
Dean /hurt/ you, and you are not overreacting.  
Every time you thought of him- or Sam for that matter, Hell flashbacks caused you to tear up.  
You couldn't help it.  
No one could.  
•-•-•-•  
You took on easy hunts. Simple salt and burns, wendigos, small vampire nests, and a couple of werewolves. Once, you even took on the Norse god, Höðr.  
Without help, the job was becoming too much. You didn't ever work well with others, except the Winchesters. You didn't like to actually socialize (without lying) to anyone, except the Winchesters.  
The one time you called Bobby was for the Norse god.  
•-•-•-•  
"Alright, thanks, Bobby," you smiled to yourself and at the notepad containing what you needed to kill Höðr.  
"You bet, Y/N," he hummed,"Stay safe."  
"Yeah... You too."  
You hung up quickly. He didn't say your name during the entire phone call until the end.   
'Damn him,' you thought. Dean probably heard, which means he might get your number, and he will call you. You hoped for the best; which means he won't call you.  
A few hours later, no call. 'Yeeeesssss,' you silently celebrated.  
Falling asleep with your phone in your hand, your jeans were still on.  
That night, your chest felt more constricted than usual, and your head was throbbing as you screamed. More hell.  
You sat up in your bed, head throbbing, chest tight, and sweaty. Noticing someone was pounding on the door to your hotel room.  
You checked your phone, 3:47 AM.  
'Shit shit shit...'  
You grabbed your gun and opened the door slightly just to see who was out there.  
"Hello, ma'am I'm sorry to bother you, but we've received some complaints about screaming and we wanted to check up-"  
"Nightmares," you interrupted, "I forgot to take my medication," you lied.  
"Oh. Well I'm very sorry... Please sleep well and good luck," she smiled.  
You kept a straight face,"Yeah... Thanks."  
You closed the door and rolled your eyes. Your back slid down the door and you sat with your head in your knees, the throbbing in your head continuing harder.  
A soft knock hit your ears. The noise lifted you up from your partial sleep and when you opened the door for a second time, you slammed it back shut once you saw who it was.  
You rubbed your eyes and opened it again.  
"Y/N," Dean smiled.  
"G-go away Dean," you mumbled and tried closing the door.  
He placed his hand on the door and stepped in. It was like a psychic connection... The moment he stepped foot in the same room as you, a pain shot through your back and your chest tightened and it felt like a hammer was knocked against your head. Dean seemed to feel none of it though. Instead, he grabbed you to keep you from falling over but his hands burned hot on your skin. You jumped away and pretended you weren't seeing white dots in your vision.  
Dean finally spoke.  
"We need to talk."


	3. Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean confesses how he really felt in Hell and why he did what he did.

"Dean," you choked,"I can't- you need to leave." Your eyelids felt too heavy and the room was spinning.  
"I'm not leaving Y/N-"  
"CANT YOU SEE IM IN PAIN," you clutched your neck. You couldn't breathe.  
Your mind was swimming. Your breath was ragged, your eyes felt like they were rolling to the back of your head, your head felt like it was being hit with a chair and your chest felt like it was being compressed underwater. You didn't even know you hit the ground until Dean grabbed your hand. Some of the pain went away and your eyes were able to be opened. You hugged Dean and all of the pain seemed to disappear immediately, which made you realize you were shaking.  
"What was that Y/N," he tried to break away from the hug, but you held him tighter.  
"I- I don't know," you inhaled deeply, loving the fact you could breathe. "I think it's my body knowing what happened in Hell..."  
You felt a tear plop onto your back, "I'm so sorry- do you think you can let go? I'm a little sweaty," he chuckled.  
"No. The moment you touched me some of the pain went away and when I hugged you it stopped."  
Dean sighed,"I won't ever let you get hurt again." You slowly pushed yourself off of his lap.  
"I'm good," you said shyly.  
"Awesome... Uhh... Like I said, we need to talk," dean stammered, as if not knowing what to say.  
"Dean," you sighed, "You need to accept that it's going to take a while-"  
"But you have to understand why I did it-"  
"No, Dean, I don't. You want to know why? BECAUSE YOU DID IT. It doesn't matter why, because it happened, and you can't take it back," you stood your ground. A tear fell down your cheek but you didn't sob.  
"I know, and I would take it back for the world, Y/N..." Dean had a few tears of his own too.  
"I'm sure you would," you retorted. "How did you find me."  
"I tracked your new cell-"  
"Go away. And don't try and find me again."  
Dean took a step toward you, you took a step back.  
"I'm sorry- I did it because I was worried that if anyone else did it, they might have hurt you more," Dean admitted.  
You scoffed,"Oh. Yeah. Because I'm sure Dean Winchester, one of the best known torturers in Hell, with no trace of human left, would let up on someone he knew because he was worried or scared." A moment of silence passed before you continued. "Dean... You lost it."  
Dean closed his eyes, more silent tears escaping,"I know."  
"I don't think you understand Dean... Why can't I forgive you just yet?-"  
"Because I don't deserve it."  
You rolled your eyes,"Dean, I love you, you're one of my only and best friends. You deserve everything- we've been over this. So eventually I will forgive you."  
Dean nodded, looking down.  
"But would you forgive me if I purposely wrecked the impala?"  
His eyes turned hard and flared up at you,"Was that a threat?"  
"See what I mean? You would get so angry at me- you wouldn't forgive me. That Impala was all you really had. It was your only home. The one place you could say you truly loved. The one object that you would kill for."  
His glare became deadlier, his hand clenching into a fist.  
"But you- you tortured my soul, /purposely./ My actual /soul,/ in Hell. I can still feel it Dean. My body remembers it."  
"I would never forgive you if you wrecked Baby."  
You tightened your fist and swung so hard it knocked him to the ground.  
You climbed on top of him and collided your hand with his face several times. "You- are- such- a- dick-" you screamed at him. You climbed off of him and looked down at his bloody face, realizing what you had done.  
"I know," he rasped, head swaying.  
He got up again and clinched his fist. You were prepared for the hit, you knew you deserved it. Maybe he saw how hurt you looked when you got up. Maybe he understood  
He held out his fist, palms down, expecting you to put your hand out. You did.  
He dropped Baby's keys in your hand.  
Your throat hitched,"Dean- I didn't mean-"  
"Y/N... I know I don't deserve it. But I hate what I did to you... I hate- everything about myself. I don't care if you don't forgive me, I just want you to feel better and know I'm sorry... I couldn't imagine what it must be like for you-"  
You handed the keys back to him, jiggling them in front of him when he took too long to take it.  
"It's okay. Truth is I really love Baby so..." You faded off and abruptly ran into the bathroom.  
"Well? Get in here, Winchester. Your face needs fixing."  
He came in smiling sympathetically...  
•-•-•-•  
Once you were finished cleaning his face, he hopped down from the counter.  
"Thanks... I better go..." He gave you a hug goodbye and walked towards the door.  
He was almost out the door before you stopped him,"Yeah... And Dean?"  
He turned around, "Hm?"  
"Don't try and find me again. I'm getting a new phone... Again. But I'll keep your number..."  
It was clear that he was hurt, but he accepted that you wanted to be alone... "Okay," he said,"Stay safe." He turned and walked out the door, reluctant to leave.


	4. A Short-lived Apple Pie Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You decide what you're going to do....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: self hatred

"It's nearly 4 AM and I've already cried," you whispered to yourself, "You're so pathetic."  
You slid back down the doorway.  
Tears slid down your cheeks. You felt hot and cold at the same time. Your head was burning and your knees were shaking. "You are a useless, worthless, heartless piece of shit," you banged your head against the door a few times,"WHY CANT YOU FORGIVE HIM DAMNIT!"  
You stood with a huff and ran into the bathroom. You looked into the mirror.  
Seeing your hair sticking to your face, your eyes puffy from crying, was too much. You punched the mirror. It shattered.  
Your knuckles were bloody, your vision was blurry and your breathing was faltered.  
You stumbled back to the bed. The room was spinning as you fell onto the bed and blacked out.  
•-•-•-•  
Bang.  
"Miss?"  
Another bang.  
"Miss, are you okay?"  
Jumping up and running to the door, you opened it to find the same lady who visited you earlier.  
"I'm fine- I'm- I'm sorry, what time is it?"  
"It's half past noon... You're late for checkout," she said, surprisingly patient.  
You pinched the bridge of your nose,"I'll buy another night... Sorry to bother."  
"No problem dear, please come to the front desk," she grinned again.  
•-•-•-•  
Paying for another night, you made your way back to the room.  
You sat for hours and hours, thinking.  
Finally, it came down to one decision.  
You quit.  
Not in the sense of ending your life. That would tear Dean apart. Him not ever hearing that you forgive him would be something that he couldn't live with. You couldn't do that to him. You couldn't die with that.  
You quit in the sense of hunting. You will wipe your name, start fresh, and live a life with a white picket fence. You'd get a job, a house, a real bank account. You'd stay out of trouble.  
One year later... And ohh are you livin' the dream.  
You have few friends, a basic job, barely stable bank account... You know... Like a true American.  
Life was becoming a bore... You still had nightmares... It wasn't like you could go to a physiatrist.  
Every night your mind wandered back to the Winchesters. Every night you would crash and burn.  
'They wouldn't take back a pathetic piece of trash,' you muttered to yourself. 'You're horrible, selfish, and not worthy of life. You're disgusting.'  
You knew truly to yourself that you forgave Dean long ago. You knew he didn't care anymore.  
Little did you know, it always crossed his mind. Every night was the same as yours, except his was more self-loathing.  
Sam couldn't imagine the pain, neither could Cas.  
Finally, wiping the tears, you fumbled around for your phone.  
Scrolling down, you stopped at 'Dean'.  
You pressed the text button and started typing.  
'I forgive you.'  
Send.


	5. Let's Roll

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprise!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am a little off about when they actually got the bunker, please dont yell at me for the inaccurate time gap. Putting the bunker into play here just seemed to fit better.

Dean just finished a bottle of whiskey when his phone rang. Rolling his eyes, he picked it up, expecting it to be Sam trying to communicate with him through the locked door of his room in the bunker.  
He glanced at the phone before silencing the text tone. He had to take a double take, not believing what he might have just seen.  
It was a random number... Ever since the night he found you, he waited for a random number to call that phone. He's had numerous new phones since, but he always kept that one because he knew that was the only way you could reach him.  
He opened the text message.  
"I forgive you."  
He rubbed his eyes, hoping he wasn't unconscious.  
"I forgive you."  
Dean jumped up,"Sam!" Bursting through the door he called out again,"Sammy!"  
Sam ran and met Dean in the middle of the path to his room and the library, gun held high.  
"Sammy it's her," he panted,"It's Y/N."  
Dean held out the phone for Sam to see.  
"Oh my god," Sam smiled.  
"Track her cell, I'm gonna find her. Tonight."  
•-•-•-•  
You woke up the next morning on the floor, you're phone in hand.  
"Shit shit shit," you grumbled,"I'm late I'm late I'm late..."  
Then it clicked...  
'I don't have to go back,' you thought. 'No... No wait- you stupid idiot... They don't want you back.' Now that Dean had your forgiveness, you thought he'd get over it and move on from you.  
You called into work, taking a personal day off.  
You started to pack your clothes and gathered up all of your money. While brushing your hair, you heard a knock at the door.  
"One minute," you called. 'Shit... I can't have anyone see me.'  
You planned on leaving without answering the door.  
Another knock.  
"I said one minute god damnit!"  
"Y/N you should really open this door." It was Dean.  
"Dean?"  
"You got it sweetheart."  
'Damnit... He's the only person who could change my mind and it's just my luck he shows up.'  
You could hear is stupid cocky smirk through the door... You missed it.  
You opened the door, hair a mess and eyes still puffy and you were stuffy.  
Once your eyes met, you hugged.  
Both of you had death grips on each other, careful to not let go, to not leave again.  
"I forgive you," you sniffled against his chest. "I forgive you." You repeated.  
"I know," he said, squeezing you tighter.  
"I forgave you a long time ago. I should've-"  
"It's okay-"  
"I don't know why I didn't- I just-"  
"It's okay," he assured again.  
"I'm sorry," you finally stopped.  
You and Dean hugged for a while longer before letting go.  
"Can- would you like to come back," Dean asked, smiling and wiping a tear.  
"Hell yes... I can't believe I'm crying for once of happiness," you joked.  
"Not gonna lie... Me either."  
He looked happy to see you... And you were definitely happy to see him.  
"How'd you get here so fast," you asked, pulling him inside.  
"Oh yeah... Uh we live in Lebanon now."  
You scoffed,"Lebanon, Kansas?"  
"Yeah, actually. It's only about a three hour drive so..."  
You grinned, handing him a beer,"Well I guess it was convenient I decided to live in Wichita."  
He sat down on your couch, "You really wanna give this up?"  
You moved back to your room, just a wall between you two.  
You let out an exasperated sigh, leaning out the doorway you said,"Oh my god yes please get me the hell away!"  
Dean chuckled and took a sip of his beer, "Thought so..."  
You finished packing within a few minutes. After that you grabbed necessities like shampoo, conditioner, brush, toothbrush, toothpaste, laptop, charger, and other things on you had before you became a mysterious single suburban woman.  
"Ready?" He asked eyebrows raised?  
You laughed, "Let's roll."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I am @Samuletta on instagram (which is where I usually write) so follow me on there because I dont post everything on ao3 or Tumblr...  
> Feedback is appreciated ^_^


End file.
